We all have tried, at some point in our lives, to change old habits such as poor diet, negative thinking, lack of exercise, and so forth. Perhaps we have tried to start a meditation practice, or go to yoga class, lose weight, stop smoking, or get up earlier. Our intentions are good, we are inspired to make a change. And then, we fall back into our old patterns within a short period of time. Why is this? Why is it so difficult to change from old negative patterns to new positive ones?
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The reason for this is because the old familiar patterns are programmed into our unconscious mind and even into the cells of our body. This programming occurs through social conditioning, familial patterns, and through stressful or traumatic events.
Our unconscious mind learns what is safe and what is not. It learns how to behave to be accepted and loved in it’s ‘tribe’ (family, friends, and peers). We have become conditioned to live in ways that are familiar and safe, even if some of those things are not good for us.
When we try to change these patterns too abruptly or quickly, our unconscious mind (and body) panic and try to prevent any sudden changes. This is our ‘inner protector’ stepping in, whose job it is to guard us and keep us safe.
The inevitable result is that in time, we sabotage ourselves and go back to our old ways. We are then filled with feelings of failure, shame, and even self-loathing. The ‘inner protector’ doesn’t care, it’s happy things are back to being familiar and safe.
A great book that dives more deeply into this subject is Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I highly recommend this book as the author not only explains how we develop these complex habits and patterns, but he also offers a variety of tools and techniques to help make positive and permanent changes in your life.
I can also recommend a couple of ways to overcome these challenges. The first is to outsmart your inner protector. To do this, you need to make changes in a slow and gradual way. You have to ‘sneak’ past the guard (the unconscious mind), by moving slowly so it doesn’t notice the positive changes taking place.
Rather than sitting in meditation for an hour a day, start with five minutes twice a day. Gradually increase the time you spend sitting until you are sitting for thirty minutes twice a day. If you want to change your eating habits, replace one unhealthy food choice with a healthy one. Stay true to that for some time, then make another substitution. Keep going slowly, and in time, your diet will have more and more healthy choices.
You can apply this technique to any changes you want to make in your life. It may seem that making positive changes in such a gradual manner will take forever, but how many times over the years have ‘big changes’ failed? This way, even though it takes more time, the changes become permanent. And furthermore, this is a far more loving and kind way to treat yourself! The key is to be consistent.
Another technique to help change patterns is EFT Tapping. This is a powerful self-help tool that can be used to release old patterns and negative energy. You can read more about it here. I have also created an online course called EFT Tapping for Personal Peace that teaches all you need to know about tapping. It also shows you how to use this fabulous technique to methodically tap through and release these old patterns and belief systems. Check it out here.
Another point to remember is that changing long-held patterns takes time. Be patient and kind to yourself. Be gentle when you have setbacks and don’t get discouraged. Just keep moving forward in a slow and consistent manner.